Catwoman 2011 #2



I said I wouldn't carry on the Catwoman new 52 series after reading the steaming pile of dog crap that was issue 1. I kinda lied. 

In the last page of issue 1, we were left with the image of Batman and Catwoman having sex. Like that wasn't enough to scar my grandchildren, writer and art duo Judd Winick and Guillem March couldn’t get enough of that fan art porn, and had to continue the Batman and Catwoman tryst in this issue, too. I guess I should have figured that out with the cover, one of the most awkward kisses put to comics,  but I was hopeful. Too hopeful, you’d say.

After her fun time with Batman, Catwoman heads back to Lola’s apartment (the girl whose name eluded me for quite some time until I was reminded of her). Selina tells Lola of her plans to take down the guy she had a fight with in the club, Renald. He’s part of the Russian mob and Selina knows that there is a priceless painting the Russian’s want. So she steals it. And what better place to have a painting-for-cash exchange with the mobsters? At Bruce Wayne’s charity event, of course. There, she manages to escape the clutches of the mob, gets the cash, and all seems well. When she arrives back home to Lola, there is a surprise waiting in store for her and it ain't pretty... 

To begin with this review of issue 2, it isn't as bad as the first travesty. I think I was so shocked, so outraged, by the bastardisation of Catwoman that it took a while for me to recover, to mend my wounds and go onto this one even though I said I wouldn’t.

In saying that issue 2 is better than the opener isn’t exactly a compliment, though. While it doesn’t suck as much, it certainly sucks hard and for all the wrong reasons.


The continuation of Batman and Catwoman’s ‘sexy time’ couldn’t have been more unwanted, and not really needed. Its saving grace is the fact it only lasted a page, but, after that, flipping over to the page two, we get the full view of the aftermath and for some reason that seemed worse than issue 1’s closer. Batman, drawn here, is built like a fucking tank to the degree he could probably be Superman. He is a man for Christ sake, not an alien. The way he is depicted is practically inhuman. He might as well have just been all muscle, no face, for all anyone would care because that's all I was shown.  Who says that men don’t get treated like crap in comics, either?

After their little get together, Catwoman leaves as soon as she can. In her internal monologue, she reveals how she thinks Batman operates. Who knows, this might be some proper, real insight into the Batman/Catwoman relationship. Ur, have to give that one a rain check. Those thoughts don’t really last that long, as, in her head, she blurts out:

 "But I shouldn’t complain. I just had sex with the Batman. Again."

Yeah because, you know, Selina Kyle would really brag about having sex with Batman. I bet, come morning, she’s going to be sitting over a coffee in the coolest Gotham hang out place, discussing how she screwed Batman and he was fucking mental in bed. Or on the floor, whatever works.

Shortly after, we find out that Renald, the guy who Selina spotted from her past in the club the night before, actually received some pretty bad wounds thanks to Catwoman. Selina tore his eye out or something like that. Great work Selina, because that’s definitely a thing your character would do. Blind a guy. Cool. I have nothing to say about that, no problems whatsoever. Let me just go and punch something, or someone, somewhere. 



To appease to Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle fans, there are a couple of pages of their first meeting. Bruce clocks onto Selina's identity almost immediately. More believable than Joseph Gordon-Levitt deducing Batman's alter ego in The Dark Knight Rises, since Wayne is supposed to be the greatest detective in the world and all that. At least they got that right in this issue.

I couldn't stand the interaction these two had together. It was all forced, put in there for the mere purpose of Selina and Bruce meeting outside of their costumes. While I understand why Bruce was engaging in conversation with Selina (Catwoman must be up to some bad shit today), she reverts from not giving two fucks about the billionaire, to being all over him (in her thoughts at least). I'm fast-becoming a member and possible leader for the Stop Judd Winick campaign. Need further proof of his writing 'capabilities'? Look no further than the below thoughts of Selina, thinking about Bruce:

"Wow. That is some look. I swear to god, it's like music. A hundred thoughts run through me and various parts of my anatomy."

Moving on from the shambles that was the introduction of the probable Selina and Bruce relationship (and wow, how they made Alfred into such a quivering wreck), there is a bog-standard fight for the Russian painting, Selina sees Renald getting gunned down - and prosuembly dead this time - and heads back to Lola's apartment with her loot.

What does she find there? Lola, dead.


Out of everything that has happened so far, even the Batman/Catwoman sex scene, this was the worst display of writing. Here is a character, so forgettable, so bland and boring with no purpose whatsoever outside of being Selina's bumchum for about five minutes, that I couldn't care less about her. Then, without even trying to make her likable, or, well, anything, she is killed her off. Do I sniff a Women in the Refrigerator syndrome?

How can I care about this woman's death if I could even barely remember her name? I have no problems introducing new characters into the DCU, it's a good thing and should be done more often. But, when you introduce brand new faces, especially if it is some kind of reboot and everything seems to have been retconned before it, wouldn't you at least try to make her at least noticeable? If she'd been a character of note, one who had had more than 4 pages worth of time, then maybe I would have cared that she had been brutally murdered - you can't rely on Selina caring about it, we have to have sympathy for this person, too.

Before she can even contemplate what the hell has happened, Catwoman is ambushed and that is where the issue ends - with the introduction of a new villain called (hold your breath for this one), Bone. Yup, Bone. I’m sure he’s going to become a classic villain. (Spoiler - he doesn't.)

Catwoman #2, while not as frustrating as #1, is still a big, fat stinker. I can't get past the writing style of Winick - his clich├ęd, often sexist and painful-to-read style is becoming a big downer, more so than the art. On that note, March's drawings have improved from the previous issue, if only slightly. The artwork still burns my eyes to look at it, but there were a couple of pages (such as Lola's death) that were well done to a point.

Drinking a bottle of piss would be better than this Catwoman run, and that's all you really wanted to know isn't it?

6 comments

  1. You crack me up. :-) And yes, your last line was all I really needed to know. I've never been a comic book reader. And wow, I didn't know Batman was so risque. Check out the woman in the red dress -- an hourglass figure of epic proportions. If I had breasts like that, I'd be afraid I couldn't walk upright. :-P

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you Stephanie!

      Batman usually isn't risque in the sexuality sides of things (for the most part), that's why this issue - and the one before it - confused the hell out of me and just had me questioning the whole purpose of it all.

      Thinking of the woman in the red dress reminded me instantly of Jessica Rabbit.

      Delete
  2. Okay, DC is just getting icky with that page of that Lola woman dead. It just seems too brutal and more in line with Marvel's MAX line instead of a general audiences title. That and Selina's plunging neck line red dress + her "run through my anatomy" line stink of Judd Winnick trying waaaaaaay too hard to be "adult".

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    1. Yeah I know what you mean with that. DC and Marvel are going on a really downhill slide at the moment, especially with Marvel killing of Professor X(what the fuck was that about?)

      And man, even thinking about that line is making me cringe to the point of passing out.

      Delete
    2. Wait a minute, Marvel killed Professor X?! WHY?! Who in god's name decided that was a good idea?! What the...
      Nevermind. This is what happens when I only care about All-New Spider-Man and Captain Marvel.

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    3. Last week in Avengers vs. X-men. And seriously dude, it was, without doubt, one of the worst deaths I've seen in comics. Nearly topping Peter Parker's death. Just nearly.

      https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/386294_10152106890880704_1786766874_n.jpg - if you want to see the travesty of it all, here is the death.

      Delete

 

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