Justin Bieber Music Video: One Time

Justin Bieber is one of the most well-known celebrities to spawn out of the internet. Internet stars who seep into the mainstream, outside-of-the-internet conscious usually burn out fairly quickly, but what makes Bieber  a standout from the rest is that, for years, he has had continued worldwide success on a volcanic scale. He seems to get bigger with each passing year, and doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon (at least for the next two years, before he is in the 20 year old pack).

For better or worse, he's become an icon, mostly of ridicule, who is constantly bombarded with hate on a daily basis. But then he is adored by so many girls that can't get enough of what latest hairdo he is sporting, or how they want to be Mrs. Bieber (which includes plotting a murderous rampage on his now girlfriend, Selina Gomez no doubt). There is a definite Love/Hate divide when it comes to the 18 year old.

By no means am I a 'Bieleber;, but instead of joining those brutal hate campaigns, I prefer to be aware that he exists, and leave it at that. Unfortunately it is quite hard to do when his face is fucking everywhere, and I've succumbed to watching a fair few Bieber videos - some at my own will, some not.

In celebration (if I can use that word in this context) of the mastery that is Justin, I'll be cataloguing a variety of his videos from his 3 year career, and the first on the list is the debut single release One Time.

The first introduction to Justin starts off with him chilling with his bro Ryan, playing Xbox. I was surprised at how, not only could they fit in a product placement for Xbox, but you get an iPhone WITH USHER CALLING in the same shot too. That wallpaper and Justin's jeans might very well be advertisements while we're on the subject. Most impressive.

Usher's cameo, which looked an awful lot like the Same Girl video he did with R.Kelly back in 2007, is the first Justin video that includes his soon-to-be-known trend of including much older men in his videos. With our first sighting of Justin, his association with Usher of course puts him on some kind of cool pedestal I'd imagine (if Usher was still relevant back then). For those that actually cared about Usher at the time, Justin is not only friends with the Confessions crooner to the point where he has been affectionately nicknamed JB, he is house-sitting his pad!  If only Usher had been video calling Justin would he have seen this face appear and question whether his bestie is as trustworthy as he had first thought:

Doesn't he look a lot an awful lot like the Trollface meme still going around?

Anyway, with Usher out of the house, there is only one thing that all cool kids do - text all their friends and have a mash-up raving party, silly string included. (Is the silly string an innuendo for cum?)

Everyone's having a banging time, and it's not long before we're introduced to the first ever Justin Bieber Girl (much like a Bond Girl, but with more clothes on and about a century older). In the ruckus of the party, Justin is looking for his girl, but gives up about 5 seconds later. Luckily, she ends up finding him, and the two have a good ol' time with progress on the physical side made (see 2:52, which is one of the most awkward and embarrassing things you'll ever witness; not even a Golden Globe winning performance).

The one thing that is most obvious about this party, minus the fact it looks boring as fuck and the obvious silly string and party popper innuendos (and I pray that they were put in their deliberately), is the age range of the attendees. I know that Justin is small - and was probably shorter than me at the time he appeared in this video - but my God, everyone is a fucking giant compared to him. Why is there a woman DJing at his party who looks like she is about 30? What are all these people doing at a 14 year old's party? What kind of gear is he supplying that's keeping those crazy cats bumping?

Forgetting that Justin probably only knows about two people his own age for this shindig, in an actually slightly amusing twist from the tedium that had been the few minutes before, Usher, at the end of the video, makes an appearance to find that his house is now populated by mid-20 to 30 year olds. He's not amused, but hey-ho, it's how JB rolls - he does this shit all the time! Maybe Usher can get a bit of some action while he's at it, too? Look at him checking out those fine, underage ladies.

Overall, One Time isn't the milestone for Bieber as expected video or song-wise. As an introduction to JB, it's not that great either. He comes across as an irritating nuisance who not only can't throw a good party, but wouldn't be out of place doing a remix of Bart Simpsons "I didn't do it" catchphrase from The Simpsons episode Bart Get's Famous on an Ark Music Factory release.

From a Bieber video, you'd expect more, but this was technically his first single release, and that left plenty of room for improvement which can, thankfully, be seen later on in his catalogue. This one is just a little boring. And creepy. 


  1. Eww, Usher! Stop checking out underage girls! You are not Gary Glitter!
    Anyway, great article Cherokee.

    P.S.-Watching videos not of your own free will? Who's got the gun to your head? Who's controling your mind?! I can help, just tell me!

    1. More like Jimmy Savile - or is that slightly too soon to be making the joke?

      And if I told you who was controlling me, it'd be the death of me...

  2. I have tried avoid anything Bieber but the little I have heard it was terrible.


    1. Is own stuff is awful, no doubt about that (very harmless though). However, there have been some good remixes of his vocals (Taku's Hey Justin and Kanye West's Runaway Love as good examples.)

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