Baby was the song that catapulted Justin Bieber into the otherworldly stratosphere of Teen God Pin-up for 12 year girls worldwide back in 2010. Since that song we haven't been able to get rid of Bieber. Before, he could have been passed off as another Cody Simpson - annoying, but harmless enough since you don't hear his songs played everywhere you fucking go. Working at McDonald's at the time didn't help, it felt like Baby was on loop for hours at a time. I am positive it was some form of subliminal messaging. I blame the 771,067,552 people (and counting as I write this) who have watched the video for the torture I would be put through for days on end.
After its release, Baby became a frequently parodied popular culture reference in its own right, especially when it comes down to the video. You'll find it hard to come across someone who isn't at least aware of the video, but why?
In his attempts to fornicate with this girl, Justin pulls a variety of Timbaland-like faces that would get anyone squirming in their pants:
Having managed to capture the girls attention, now comes the dancing - it's Justin's crew verses his possible beau's girl gang. The whole dancing segment reminded me of the cheer rumble scene in Bring It On: In It to Win It. All awkward; all unnecessary.
Jumping forward into 2013, Justin seems as clumsy and bumbling as ever when it comes to dancing. Why does he put himself (and others watching) through it? Do young girls still find this attractive? Every dance move he attempts seems to fall flat - a drunk could dance better than he could. Maybe slipping him some MDMA would improve the ability for him to have a little bit of rhythm?
In-between the hand clapping fluffy tune, the one-two-step dance moves, and an appearance from Drake (I know what you're thinking) comes the FUCKING WEIRDEST (hence why I've capitalised it) cameo of all time. Ludicrous.
I remember hearing an acoustic version Bieber put up before the studio release came out. I had no idea that Ludicrous was in it as it was without the rap, just Justin. When I watched the video for the first time, and saw Ludicrous pop up talking about being 13, the age when he had his first love, it confused me quite a bit. There is also some brotherly/fatherly like bond going on that I couldn't quite place my finger on. Mixed messages, no?
Is Ludicrous trying to tell Justin that he had the same experience as he did and he is not alone? Or is he messing with Justin and saying that it doesn't get better, there is no way forward from that first love and you've got to win them back no matter what? Why the fuck would he even remember being 13 now that he is a grown man in his 30s? Surely it would have made more sense to get a young rapper to reminisce about being that age? At least all the coke wouldn't have taken full affect at 18. It would have made more sense for Chris Brown to replace Ludicrous. That's saying something.
The last parts of the video revolve around the badly choreographed (and equally badly performed) dancing. There isn't much else to salvage, it's all very one-note before and after Ludicrous's entrance. Strangely, that abysmal rap was the most source of amusement. The rest? Not good, really. If it weren't a Justin Bieber video, it wouldn't be particularly memorable. I'm not even sure how this was the video that got him noticed more than the actual song. It's like a Flo Rida video, but U-rated - you have all the 'happening' club shit, just in a bowling alley minus alcohol and chicks ripping off their clothes like there is no tomorrow.
With a predictable end to tie it all off, Justin heads off hand-in-hand with his girl. I doubt she will make an appearance in the his next video, but I hope the song - and the accompanying scenes with it - are about the trials and tribulations of Bieber's faith v.s wanting to lose his virginity. For back-up in a feature, Chris Brown will appear and demonstrate how to do it right. After all, this is the man that created the classic Like a Virgin Again and Wet the Bed. If anyone knows what they're doing, it's him.