The time has arrived where it is socially acceptable to find decapitation, bodily mutilation and creepy mass-murdering children amusing in an entertainment context, even if it's just for 24 hours out of 365 days of the year. Better than nothing, right?
With one of my favourite seasons comes the hour for adults to wear questionable outfits like this:
|Bit awkward to walk around in, no?|
And some godly creations such as this:
Then there are the club events, the raves, the house parties, and the other happening gatherings taking place on October 31st that the cool peeps go to and only the cool peeps know about (i.e not me).
Scrolling down your Facebook feed can be a depressing void of loneliness if you haven't got anything planned, or your so-called friends have left you out in the lurch to spend the night curled up in your jammies on the couch, eating a disappointing toffee Revel after Revel, watching a repeat of Van Helsing on ITV2.
You may have been kept out of the festive gathers for this year, but you know what? Fuck it and fuck them. They don't know what they're missing when it comes to the art of a lonesome Halloween (this all coming from a professional stay-at-home inhabitant).
I've picked up some tips along the way from totaling up an extensive history of experience owning the best day of the year in style. You're gonna have a fantastic, ghoulish time.
The bonus side to this is you can also wear a costume that you never thought would ever see the light of day and you'll avoid any judgmental stares and bitchy comments from complete strangers. Unless, like me, you're posting it to the internet where the whole world can see.
Dance to the trap version of Gangnam Style
That shit is scary and it ain't just my dancing I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis.
Play creepy games in the dark and alone like you should
I tried filming myself playing Amenesia: The Dark Descent for the first time and capture the sound of me pissing my pants in the recording. I filmed the playthrough, got the footage and then tried to stop the video so I could start editing and show you wonderful people how to not play a horror game.
I swear to God this is what happened when I tried to get the video.
Watch Halloween: Resurrection
Thank me later.
Binge on episodes of Mona the Vampire
One of the most underrated shows in TV history with a funky intro to boot.
Now fuck off and bother the next house down.
Oh, one more thing - don't even think about getting your box of eggs out. Ever seen T-1000 run?
Avoid awkward interactions with someone declaring their undying love for you
Celebratory seasons usually mean there is someone lurking in the distance, watching your every drunken move, waiting for their time to pounce and admit their harbouring, burning desire of wanting to bone you from afar.
Want to prolong this moment as long as possible?
Simple - stay safe and warm, away from the creeps of the world.
If your secret crusher decides to do it over Facebook, on the phone, or through text in a mashed stupor, well, most likely they'll forget it and it will be a heck of a lot less embarrassing than in person, face-to-face.
Someone who shall not be named experienced the horrors of this scenario. In her words she told me, " I want to swap lives with someone already. Where is the exchange policy at?"
Ladies and gentlemen, save yourself. Save yourselves now.
No morning hangover, comedown or feeling like you've thrown up in your mouth a couple of times without realising (because you probably have)
Ah, the icing on the cake.
While you search Facebook on the dawn of the first day of November and see the amount of whining post-night-on-the-town statuses, you'll be sitting on your thrown of superiority, ready to take on the world as you laugh in the faces of the sea of people nursing headaches with more alcohol and a fry-up and trying to wash out the taste of last nights blow job and kebab.
You'll also remember what happened on Halloween and, if I do say so myself, it was probably fucking awesome.