Shia LaBeouf and that paper bag


The last several months of Shia LaBeouf's online and offline antics have caused plenty a media field day, with the Transformers actor cast as the ring leader of the circus and all the world's journalists and paparazzi filling up the hotly-anticipated audience seats, ready to watch a celebrity breakdown of a lifetime (I'd bet he'd dig that analogy).

Starting with his blatant rip off of Daniel Clowes' comic, Justin M Damiano, one of the additions to Zadie Smith's edited short story collection, The Book of Other People, Shia has gone all out on a crusade to give a voice to plagiarist art, with him being the champion of this new wave of artistic expression.

As Jim Jarmusch famously quoted, "Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination." While there is room for interpretation, Shia isn't just acting out the wise words from the stylish and suave director, he is living it.

God.
But what does it all mean? Is Shia turning his life into one big performance, culminating in his ultimate, Shakespearian-like demise? Is he commenting on the society that we live in, so absorbed by social media and celebrity culture? Does he re-enact the scene from Zoolander as a daily ritual, where Ben Stiller, staring at his fabulous reflection in a nearby puddle, asks himself who he is? Has Shia actually gone insane? And, if so, why don't we just leave him alone? Didn't we ever learn from Britney Spears? Didn't Chris Crocker teach us anything? What is the point of this article?

There is one definitive answer to all of those existential questions that I'm sure you're dying to know and, just for you, I'll let you in on it...

Who gives a fuck?

Seriously.

There are far more pressing topics to worry about when it comes to Shia, anyway. Such heated discussions include my rising concern about his orgasm face in the Nymphomaniac character posters.



Sorry Shia, I didn't realise sex was that much of a bore for you that your itchy armpit is far more interesting than ejaculation. Maybe I'll just take my vagina somewhere else then, huh? It's just you and your hand tonight, bro.

How's that for new wave shit?

10 comments

  1. The weirdest part about that poster is that if you zoom out, he's totally fucking Bumblebee.

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    Replies
    1. Dude, you rule the internet with that comment.

      Delete
  2. Him in the paper bag made me think of two things. He probably watched WWE and saw Cody Rhodes' old deformed man gimmick where fans wore paper bags or he must've seen that Monty Python sketch where a groom asked a salesman if he can buy a mattress and that man wore a bag on his head whenever he hears the word "mattress". "Can you show us some mattresses?" "Why did you say that?" "It's my only line!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If he is a WWE and Monty Python fan it'd certainly bring him back to the level of Even Stevens love that I had for him all those years ago.

      Delete
  3. I would have given him extra points if he hadn't cut out eye holes.

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    Replies
    1. He'd definitely have even more Mr X vibes than I first thought when I saw the bag. Or it could be a direct correlation to Thomas Pynchon (to add another Simpsons reference in there).

      Oh Shia, that boy is such a mystery.

      Delete
  4. I totally lol'd at "I didn't realise sex was that much of a bore for you that your itchy armpit is far more interesting than ejaculation. Maybe I'll just take my vagina somewhere else then," Shia is doing a pretty good job of trolling the media. At least that's what I hope he's doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, a laugh in the bag that wasn't my own! A victory celebration needs to commence.

      I really do hope he is trolling a la Kanye. Like you, I am convinced that is what is going down. Honestly, what else could it be?

      Delete
  5. He is disgusting and I think, mentally ill. I don't know why the ridiculous things he does are newsworthy.

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    Replies
    1. Wouldn't use as strong words as disgusting (and hopefully he doesn't have some mental illness, though I am in firm belief that he is trolling as all). Agreed that it doesn't need to be newsworthy and seeing all the posts titled 'Shia LaBeouf wears a paper bag to the Berlin Film Festival' on my feed was too hilarious for me not make a comment on the absurdity of it all.

      Delete

 

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